November 7th 2017- new illnesses and PIP

Here is an image that shows me as a muscular man with no hair. 

About 25 years ago I was diagnosed with having Fibromyalgia. I remember at the time that I was in huge amounts of pain, taking massive amounts of pain killers on a daily basis and feeling really fed up. I had a good GP who worked with me and suggested trying acupuncture, which he provided on the NHS and which stopped the pain overnight. At around that same time my mental health started to really take a dive and any recurrence of the pain was ignored, instead I just kept focusing on keeping on being here. 

In the intervening years i've been diagnosed with all sorts of fun things- the one with the most impact on my life has been bi-polar mood disorder. Perhaps because of that being such a big part of my life I started to attribute the physical symptoms i'd been experiencing over the last six months to it. I was questioning whether I really had bi-polar, perhaps everything was actually a physical illness that just made me feel mad? Or maybe the physical symptoms I was having were actually part of bi-polar? 

I'm lucky to once again have an excellent GP who has worked with me on managing my bi-polar, arthritis, asthma, migraines, diabetes in a way that suits me. She is never judgemental and never once has commented on the fact i'm medically classed as 'morbidly obese'. When I went to her last month with my concerns about the physical symptoms that were manifesting she immediately suggested Fibromyalgia. Following some tests (typically they test for 'tender points') she formally diagnosed me with it, with the cheery news 'there's no real cure for it'. 

One of the things that the doctor tested for was my vitamin D levels, which were found to be deficient-this is common in people with conditions like this, and pretty much everyone in the UK needs a top up during the winter months. I'm now taking a therapeutic dose of Vitamin D, and will do for the next six months at least, to try and bring the levels up to where they should be. This has the added benefit of helping protect against osteoporosis.  Even though i've only been taking this for about a week I felt that I was noticing an improvement- I tried to run before I was walking...

Last week I went all out on visiting people, being sociable and doing too much. I had energy! I had managed to post my PIP form off! I had work in an exhibition! I was UNSTOPPABLE. And then I stopped. I spent two and a half days asleep. I only woke up to go to the toilet and to eat a couple of bowls of bran flakes. I was back to square one.

Today when I woke up I felt terrible. I felt sad. I felt like I was failing. I couldn't see a way out. I forced myself to leave the house, grabbing clothes from the floor. I had to get cat food, I needed to pick up library books that I had ordered in a mini-mania fit. I had to put nutrients in my body. I bumped into friends, I had a meeting that I hastily arranged and then I came home to work. I sent emails out to the people i've done freelance work for telling them I am back in action. After a month or more of not being able to work I am back and I need the money. 

Today my symptoms are creeping skin, aching bones, muscles that feel like they are vibrating, and a tendency to be over emotional. I am hoping that tomorrow I can get up in the morning and work, and not spend another day asleep.

Tender Points by Amy Berkowitz

If you want to read something well written about Fibromyalgia and trauma I would really recommend Tender Points by Amy Berkowitz. I read this just before my (second) diagnosis and it resonated on many levels.